10 Talents = 1 Dime

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Jana's Sketchbook No. 10

For me sometimes, but probably not for you, a dime found all alone in an odd place is a symbol or sign. A dime is a reminder to me of my natural talents or abilities. When I see a dime, I feel as though God is asking me to remember my talents and that I should use them. When I pick up a dime, I feel as though I am acknowledging God. Sometimes seeing a dime makes me feel good, like a confirmation, and other times it feels a bit like a slap upside the head. I find dimes all time, and have for years.

The strangest place I have found a dime so far is in the shower, which is why I am writing this post. It is time I pay more attention. Usually, I will find one on the floor somewhere, like near the dryer (I do like to get paid to do laundry.) or by the front door. Sometimes there is one on the sidewalk or in the driveway as I am getting out of my car. Occasionally, I find one at the store, while I am counting the items in my basket. Wherever I find one, it is always at a time that I am worried. It is always when I feel stressed about finances or about what I am going to do with my life.

I am well on my way to the top of lifespan hill and will go over soon, God willing. Still, I have yet to feel as though I am on the right career path. One may look at my CV and think otherwise. The truth is that I have not taken ownership of or invested all of my talents into anything fully. I know this to be true, and hindsight being so very clear, I am convinced.

I dreamt of using all of my talents one day. I thought the only ability I had that I was not using was drawing. My artistic abilities only cropped up every few years. One day I clearly heard God telling me that I was not honoring Him, because I was not using my abilities. I was certain this meant drawing, since that was something I was good at and not doing. I argued a bit before drawing again, and I quickly decided I needed an MFA. Yes, rather than a few art classes at the local craft store, I wanted a Master of Fine Arts degree.

I thought that if I got an MFA I would finally be able to grab all of my talents and hit the ground running (Toward what I did not know.). I was convinced that the one ability I was not using was an artistic one. I think now that I was wrong and it is hard to admit.
I walked into that MFA with dreams of my future and wheeled out in a chair to be diagnosed a short time later with three rare diseases. I am certain God will use all of this for His good, because the Bible says so. However, I have a long way to go and not as much time to get there.

What I can tell you today, is that through tears I dropped that dime that I found in the shower into my “talents vase” and I surrendered.

P.S.: I knew I needed to sleep on this post, so I stopped and a short time later I wrote this:

“Wait. In scripture the guy who invested all of the talents got them back doubled and the guy who invested half got the same back. They did not lose any. Are you afraid to lose them?”