Looking for a Magic Bullet

Photo by Marc-Olivier Jodoin on Unsplash

I know that a lot of people are looking for healing.

Many people hope and pray and expect to be healed all at once, declaring it to be so. I confess I’m looking for that magic bullet too, and I don’t believe in engaging in magic. I’ve been waiting for a miracle and in the waiting, I remain sick and sinful (I suppose….). I walk in excruciatingly painful brokenness and feel desperate for change.

I know so many Christians who are ill and keep declaring Isaiah 53:5 and I get it because I have done that myself. But I live with these horrible “incurable and degenerative” dis-eases and I get tired of making that declaration when I’m still not healed.

Then I blame myself for doing something wrong as though I deserve to be ill. I feel shame for whatever it is I may be doing and guilty that I’m not cured. It’s not fun. This is on my mind every day as I remain nearly house-bound, and every night as I lie awake distracting myself from the pain with Netflix, Solitaire and Cookie Jam. If only all the medications would work better.

It’s hard to remain hopeful as I watch my quality of life deteriorate. My family and friends are so helpful, but I know they are having a hard time too. They were diagnosed right along with me.

So, what’s the answer, Lord? What’s the answer?

I’m trying to remember God’s grace is sufficient and in my weakness He is strong. I’m trying to remember 2 Corinthians 12:9 to boast more gladly, so His power may rest upon me.

This is the answer, right? Yet, I struggle. Boasting in weakness isn’t exactly acceptable here in Southern California where all the perfect people live (Ugh!). Nor is it accepted in my circle.

So, what’s the answer, Lord? What’s the answer?

Your humble & hurting servant,



Isaiah 53:5 English Standard Version (ESV)

5 But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed.


2 Corinthians 12:9 English Standard Version (ESV)

9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.